Healing my Childhood Trauma

The Abused Child

My childhood trauma occurred from ages 4 through 16.  My parents struggled with a multitude of issues resulting in long periods of time where they could not care for me, leaving my Grandmother to raise me when they couldn’t. The collective trauma lead me to have suicidal thoughts & a plan. My reason for living was because I didn’t want my Grandmother to be sad. It was a real low point for me.  Her sadness was worth more to me than my own life, making her my savior.  

 Life was scary and I found safety and comfort in reading, coloring, photography, music, and painting. These creative outlets allowed me to create a reality outside of myself. The Creative Child is a Child that Survived. 

The Unworthy Adult 

The trauma manifested into toxic, self-destructive behaviors with my relationships. The wounded child was showing up as an ultra- independent woman that used binge eating, intimacy, and procrastination to cope with the pain and uncomfortable feelings. My trauma didn’t look like nightmares and flashbacks. I was reliving the experiences through repeated destructive cycles of behavior.    

Choosing to be a Therapist meant that I needed to show up as the healthiest version of myself. Unfortunately I couldn’t do therapy on myself, but it did give me great insight, and tools for getting my healing journey started. However, after the years passed I continued to find myself stuck and unhappy. 

Therapist with a Therapist

The most significant transformation happened in therapy.  The burden from generational trauma was lifted.  I learned to forgive those who hurt me, and that gave me my power back.  The anger was keeping me from experiencing true happiness, and I was knew I deserved more. There was a gift in learning about my family history, and the trauma history of my Mother and Grandmother. Humanizing the adults in my childhood created distance between me and the trauma.  I was  free from the belief that the abuse happened to me because I was Unworthy. I was accepting that the abuse occurred as a result of untreated generational trauma & mental health issues, systematic racism, and unhealthy cultural norms. 

My Higher Self 

The shift in my belief system lead to Liberation and  I began to see myself for who I truly am, a Higher Self. Making the shift was hard, and that meant losing things that I was attached with great discomfort and pain. The toxic behaviors served as mental blocks  and protection from the painful memories. Healing is the gift that keeps on giving everyday. I ‘m honored and grateful to those who have supported my healing journey. My gift to the clients that I serve is teaching them to Heal themselves with helpful practices and tools. Healing is the act of self love, awareness, and commitment to practices that nurture and nourish your life. 

It’s a pleasure to share my story with you. 

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In my next blog I will be sharing some of favorite Healing Practices & Tools.